Hi, Divas (may I call you diva?). This week Iman is taking a break from this newsletter and has appointed me (Ezekiel) as her first-ever guest… what privilege. Quick disclaimer, I wouldn’t necessarily call myself a writer, although I do see myself righting a book one day in my 30s, I’m simply a f*g with a lot to say. So please prepare yourself for a frenzied experience of questionable opinions and spiritual sincerity, mixed with a bombardment of pop-culture references that only a chronically online queer person would understand. I apologise in advance.
As it’s still early January I’d like to take some time to reflect on the whirlwind that was 2023. From the cost of living crisis, a useless government which has somehow managed to get worse, to never-ending rail strikes, a constant fear of war, as well as genocides actively going on in several places across the globe (this isn’t even the half of it), I think I can speak for a lot of other people when I say that last year was not smooth sailing. To quote the great Taylor Armstrong, arguably one of my (lowkey) favourite housewives from the Beverly Hills franchise: 2024, if you can’t be my friend, just please don’t be my enemy.
Thoughts from my notes app
My ins and outs of 2024
I don’t have Instagram notifications on (for the sake of my mental health) so after posting this into the void and leaving the app for the night, I was surprised to see that this caused quite a stir. I guess people really resonated with how equally stupid and heartfelt my lists were, and I still very much stand by them. Comment below if you have any suggestions for either list and I can let you know if I agree xx
BREAKING NEWS
Gay Twitter/TikTok appoints Tokyo Toni as the 15th Dalai Lama
Well, sorta kinda…
Tokyo has been the highly favoured reaction meme for years now since her infamous interview- where she denies the existence of bisexuality- was released and used to death by Gay Twitter ™ (I’ll never call it X). Recently she published a cryptic video on her TikTok that, to me and many others, solidifies her status as one of the greatest philosophical thinkers of our generation. Tokyo exudes a mystery and profoundness that is undeniably captivating and has critics from all around the globe attempting to decipher exactly what she means. What actually happens when the talk isn’t cheap and it is what it is?
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Social smoking is still acceptable (according to me)
I’m so sorry to all the anti-smokers out there but I just love a fag (in every sense) at social settings. Whether it be outside a pub, at the rave or on your best mate’s balcony. There is just nothing like it.
P.S. This does NOT include those ugly and unchic vapes or lost marys. Grow up and stick a straight in your mouth.
Mercury retrograde is over (for now)... but why do you still feel like shit?
Good news! Mercury retrograde is over. I think it was one of the most intense yet - but are you still feeling out of balance despite the promise of a clean slate? Maybe you still feel off for no apparent reason?
Well, did you ever stop to think that it’s because of that awful diet of yours? Could it be the white powder that’s still running in your system after a 2-day bender? Or maybe you’re just living an unfulfilling life that has no true sense of purpose? Let’s look inward, baby.
Our Top Story: I’m growing my hair out! (A reminder in my notes app)
If like me you were assigned male at birth (🤧) and are dealing with the devil of genetic hair loss (thanks dad you prick), then I highly recommend Finasteride. This little p*ssy pink pill which you can easily get from an online pharmacy has saved my hairline and confidence. I now have the power to grow my hair out and have it long for the first time in my life (how exciting). So any tips on how to tame dark thick, wavy-curly Asian hair would be greatly appreciated. I beg.
For your mind and soul
My favourite thing about the winter and the holiday season is how It’s perfectly acceptable to be a hermit for a bit and indulge yourself in endless forms of media without feeling any guilt. My top choice this winter was The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. And no, I won’t be made to feel bad about this because this show is insanely good. Get into it. #FreeJenShah (that’s a joke, Jen is an awful human being for what she did).
Below you’ll find some other forms of media that I’ve had the pleasure of enjoying this winter. Ones that might stimulate your brain cells instead of killing them.
Down the Drain (2023) by Julia Fox
I knew there was a reason why I was so fond of Miss Fox, and her autobiography explains exactly why. This was an insane trip of drug abuse, death and overcoming a life full of harsh tragedies and people. I genuinely commend Julia for her resilience, she was not dealt an easy hand from the very beginning and god knows how she is still alive. But keep going sis, I’m officially rooting for you.
Listen to the audiobook and you will not be disappointed. Trust.
Past Lives (2023)
This one's for the real yearners out there.
The Stroll (2023)
An actual documentary about the experiences of black and trans women of colour directed and interviewed by an actual black trans woman (!!).
Groundbreaking even though this should be the norm. Thoroughly moving and the first of many I hope.
The Velvet Rope (1997) by Janet Jackson
One of Janet’s most acclaimed albums and rightfully so. As many of my close friends know, I’m going through an intensely transformative period of my life and this album is helping me through ~ Naive, sensual and often-times a little freaky 🫦 The Velvet Rope tackles an array of deeply personal subjects not only to Janet but the world around us. Undoubtedly her magnum opus. It was also released the same year I was born so I feel a peculiar connection to this album.
None of the Above (2022) by Travis Alabanza
I’ve only started reading this book, but just a few pages into the prologue and I was already teary-eyed. This book perfectly encapsulates a lot of the things I’ve been feeling recently in regard to my own identity and gender journey. One particular part made me ponder on the idea that my white ‘industry’ friends will sort of never understand how much of my authentic self I had to sacrifice to rub shoulders with them; just for a seat at the table. I mean how hard could Eze’s upbringing and current life be if they're here eating expensive ciabatta bread with us at a fancy restaurant in Soho whilst wearing a ridiculously expensive outfit? Well, It’s in the form of my ‘white’ (deadname) name, Alf, which I had to start using from a young age for the comfort of white people and because none of them bothered to learn how to say my actual first name ALPHONSUS (al-fon-surs) properly. It’s through losing touch with my home country, our culture, our food and our language. It’s through creating work and accepting jobs that appease wealthy white audiences only to be severely underpaid compared to my white peers. It’s through presenting and performing not too far from my assigned gender in order to not be further ostracised. It’s through feeling shame from being an immigrant and for being working class, and assimilating so far into white middle-class culture to be accepted, just to end up realising that I’ve lost every sense of self in the process.
You’ll be glad to know that I’m now steadily shedding the person I had become and am currently on a new and painfully slow journey of self-discovery; figuring out who I truly am, who I want to be, and learning to embrace the awkward in-between. Wish me luck girls.
Stray cats being fed on TikTok Live
Self-explanatory. I think we all need this one after the previous paragraph.
(On your) Radar - Britney Spears
If you didn’t think I would use this section to plug some exciting things coming up for me, then you thought wrong hehe xx
10 years of Bliss
2024 marks the 10th and final year of my ongoing project Bliss. Can you believe it? I’ve been shooting this project since I was 17. Time really does fly and we’re all getting old. Despite my anxieties about ageing, this project has been one of the key anchors in my life that has kept me going, and to be completely honest with you, I sometimes didn’t think I would make it this far. So let’s celebrate that (insert Oprah meme). Documenting some of my most treasured moments and loved ones through my formative years is a true blessing and I can’t wait for it to all come together in yet another book.
I know what you’re all thinking: Girl, give these photobooks a rest… we get it. But don’t you worry, I doubt anything will be ready for another few years. So you’ll have to wait until at least my early 30s for it to be published. Maybe I can also publish that actual book (with words) alongside it. For now, you can enjoy previews of the project via the link above. You can also see previews of the project IRL through a group show I’m in at the beginning of February. More details of this to come, so make sure you’re following me on Instagram.
SMUT Vol. 2, Electric Boogaloo
If you’ve been living under a rock the past few months then you probably haven’t seen that the second (and HIGHLY anticipated) volume of my erotic photobook series was released in late 2023. We had the pleasure of celebrating the release in Paris and London, which resulted in me getting sick for over a week from having too much fun. Keep your eyes (and holes) open for a special announcement in the coming months… let’s just say, the SMUT World Tour may be making its way across the pond and is predicted to be just as successful as Beyonce’s Renaissance.
A Final Message
One of my New Year's resolutions was to be more elusive (in a sexy way) and to frankly shut up, which makes me think that this may be the first and last sort of blog post I’ll ever do. I don’t actually understand how Iman does this weekly, it kind of feels like homework and the fact that I have to think about how I can be funny is exhausting (because it just comes naturally to me obviously). So today may just be the last day that I’m using words. They’ve gone out, lost their meaning… 🤐 If this is the case, then I hope you thoroughly enjoyed the ride.
At a time when our identities are greatly tied to materialism and overconsumption in every form, I leave you with a gentle reminder and sincerely pray that 2024 is kind to you all.
This has been your favourite guest writer –Ezekiel– signing off, bang bang kiss kiss xx
FYI, you can read last week’s newsletter here.
Fancy taking over Out of Hours? Once a month, a friend (or stranger) will take over Out of Hours. All you need to do is reply to this email 💋
inch resting…